How to Finish Well, Or Not

I find myself at the end of things often.  Not sure if completing them is what I want to do or have the energy to do.  This plays out in just about every area of my life. For example:

  • We run out of paper towels.  I debate for weeks the decision to buy more or be more environmentally friendly and using more cloth.  But sometimes paper towel is so much easier!
  • I do a lot of talking at work (during certain parts of my job).  I come to the end of a meeting with a new or potential ministry volunteer and I have a hard time stopping the sharing.  Just one more story.  Just one more idea.  I just want to tell them one more thing.  (sometimes people laugh and me, or look at me with that expression that says- wow, that was a lot of information.  I take their cue and close in prayer.)
  • I came to the airport early today for a flight, but at the last minute decided to  use the airport restroom instead of plane one.  Ew.  However, when I returned to the gate, everyone had boarded, they took my name off the list and gave up my seat (or so they said).  Thankfully they found a seat, ironically right next to the bathroom on the VERY LAST ROW, aisle seat, which meant that everyone who needed to go on the plane leaned against MY seat while I quietly tried to read and mourned the loss of a cozy middle seat in the middle of the plane next to my friend.  That ending I was very happy to have, but I wished it had turned out a bit differently
  • This morning when I said goodbye to my kids I was okay with our time ending.  Tonight while I watched my daughter cry on facetime (maybe we shouldn’t have face timed), I felt a twinge of sadness.  Notice I said twinge.  But while on the plane I was thinking of all the things I would do differently to love my kids, be more patient and forgiving and gentle with them, when I returned.  I’m coming back a changed mama!
  • I got to my 5 minute bang trim appointment yesterday 15 minutes late. I rushed in out of breath and apologetic.  It really wasn’t a big deal, but I said something cliche like “story of my life I’m always late” (Which technically isn’t true.  I’m only sometimes late,  otherwise I’m usually right on time. And not often early)
  • I’m aiming to finish some reading for a class I am taking (that starts tomorrow) and I just keep getting distracted by other things (FB, blog, twitter, instragram, pandora, facetime, etc.)…I can’t quite finish!

I guess what I have been reflecting on today is that everything has a beginning and an end.  I am not always great at endings.  They tend to be messy, sloppy, sometimes I doubt my choices or thoughts, or words, and while I find myself imagining others in life have these wonder polished endings, complete articulate sentences, well-managed schedules, quick decision makers- there are probably a lot of other people out there like me.

One final story about my struggle with endings and I’ll stop here.  I signed a Youversion Bible reading plan for January, to read the Psalms and Proverbs in 31 days. I’ve done it before and I was really looking forward to this somewhat short term goal, easy to accomplish and finish, right?  Psalms and Proverbs are so life-giving and encouraging…yeah I’m a week or so behind.  But I’m pressing on.  I’m not giving up.  I might be late. I might be scattered or disheveled or flustered. But I’m here. And I’m listening. God, I am listening.

Posted in Parenting.